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On occasion, Jay Spring believes he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his grandiose moments often turn “really delusional”, he admits. “You are on cloud nine and you think, ‘The world will recognize that I stand above others … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these phases of exaggerated self-worth are usually succeeded by a “crash”, a period when he feels deeply emotional and ashamed about his conduct, rendering him highly sensitive to negative feedback from those around him. He began to think he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after looking up his traits online – and was later confirmed by a specialist. But, he is skeptical he would have taken the label if he hadn’t previously arrived at that realization by himself. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – most notably if they harbor beliefs of dominance. “They’re in a delusional world that they made for themselves. And that world is like, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining The Condition

Although people have been labelled as narcissists for over 100 years, it’s not always clear what is meant by the label. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” explains a leading researcher, adding the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a professional assessment, he believes many people hide it, as there is significant negative perception linked to the illness. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “impaired compassion”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to seek admiration through actions such as displaying material goods,” the professor clarifies. Those with NPD may be “extremely narcissistic”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in NPD Presentation

Although a significant majority of people identified as having the condition are men, studies suggests this number does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that women with NPD is more often presented in the covert form, which is under-identified. “Men’s narcissism tends to be somewhat tolerated, as with everything in society,” says a 23-year-old who shares content on her co-occurring conditions on social media. It’s fairly common, the two disorders co-occur.

Personal Struggles

“I really struggle with handling criticism and being turned down,” she shares, whenever it’s suggested that the problem is me, I either go into a defensive state or I withdraw entirely.” Although experiencing this reaction – which is sometimes referred to as “ego wounding”, she has been attempting to address it and take advice from her close relationships, as she doesn’t want to slip into the negative conduct of her earlier years. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners in my youth,” she reveals. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she notes she and her significant other “have a dynamic where we’ve agreed, ‘When I speak manipulatively, if I say something manipulative, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing mostly in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have positive role models as a child. “I’ve been learning continuously which behaviors are suitable or harmful to say during a fight because I lacked that guidance in my formative years,” she says. Every insult was fair game when my family members were insulting me when I was growing up.”

Underlying Factors of Narcissistic Traits

These mental health issues tend to be linked to early life adversity. Heredity is a factor,” says an expert in personality disorders. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “connected with that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to manage during childhood”, he states, when they may have been ignored, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting certain expectations. They then “continue to use those familiar tactics as adults”.

Like several of the individuals with NPD, one individual thinks his parents “could also have the disorder. The adult explains when he was a child, “their needs came first and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve good grades and life achievements, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “good enough”.

In adulthood, none of his relationships lasted. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he states. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He didn’t think loving someone, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is also dealing with a personality disorder, so, in a comparable situation, struggles with emotional regulation. She is “really understanding of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he says – it was in fact, her who originally considered he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

After a visit to his GP, John was referred to a therapist for an assessment and was informed of his condition. He has been recommended for therapeutic sessions via government-funded care (extended treatment is the primary approach that has been shown to help NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the waiting list for a year and a half: It was indicated it is probably going to be early next year.”

Disclosure was limited to a few individuals about his mental health status, because “there’s a big stigma that all narcissists are abusers”, but, privately, he has accepted it. This understanding allows me to understand myself better, which is positive,” he explains. Those interviewed have accepted their narcissism and are looking for support for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the diagnosis. But the growth of online advocates and the rise of online support communities indicate that {more narcissists|a growing number