🔗 Share this article

Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has always been the reliable retreat for daily publications, and writers stay alert regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, particularly within football. What a delight it was to learn that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and was rescued from an empty Oakwell stadium post-napping in the lavatory at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained a representative from Barnsley fire services. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, the Italian striker visited a nearby college to access the restrooms during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday represents 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down from the England national team following a short conversation within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss versus Germany during 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, the two stars urging for the official to reason with Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the corner of the dressing room, saying quietly: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Just a single choice remained. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, subsequently confessing he considered his period as Three Lions boss “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's a tremendously tough role.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women’s Bigger Cup updates from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Quote of the Day

“We stood there in a lengthy line, clad merely in our briefs. We were Europe’s best referees, top sportspeople, examples, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina inspected us completely with an ice-cold gaze. Silent and observant” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I've opted to write and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|